A Poor Substitute
by xotakux2002x
Summary: wherein a certain jashinist grows horny with no one around, and must make due with what's at hand X3 kakuhidan, oneshot, yaoi


"Fucking bastard," Hidan growled, letting out a moan of pleasure. The person he was referring to was his partner Kakuzu. He hadn't seen the guy in over a month (damn solo assignments to hell) so of course as soon as Hidan had gotten into their room, he'd pounced on the banker and ripped off his mask, locked lips a second later.

But their kissing had been short-lived. Kakuzu had to go speak with Pein, and without even giving the masochist time to protest he'd exited the room, leaving behind a very horny Jashinist. Who simply refused to wait anymore.

That was why Hidan was now lying on the bad, completely naked and jacking off.

The issue was, no matter how hard he tried, he simply couldn't climax without the miser's help. Damn meetings, damn Pein in the ass, and damn Kakuzu!

He sat up, wondering if he should just take a very long and very cold shower, when an object on Kakuzu's desk caught his eye. His mind began whirling as a grin spread over his face.

Calling his partner cheap would have been the same as calling Moby Dick a little fish. The banker hadn't replaced any of his kunai knives in over twenty years. It wasn't like the banker used them all that often, but the weapons had been worn down to the point of being worthless.

The item that had caught Hidan's eye was one of these knives, and probably the one in the worst shape. The tip had broken off, and the edges were dull. Hidan would have wondered why the hell it hadn't been disposed of yet, but his mind was already in other places.

He walked over to the desk and snatched the kunai before walking back to the bed, flopping down on the mattress with the knife in hand. The zealot held still, debating whether he really wanted to do this or not, before whispering a soft "Fuck it," and shoving the weapon inside him.

He hissed at the strange sensation; the masochist was used to heated flesh inside him, rather than the cold, angular edges of a knife. "Hahhh…" his body was getting used to it, and the immortal began moving the weapon in and out of his body.

The kunai was definitely a poor substitute for his partner, but Hidan was willing to make do with what he had. A particularly deep thrust hit his prostate, and he let out a low moan, eyes shut tightly. "Kuzu…" Jashin, he wanted his partner to be the one doing this; thrusting into him, sending waves of pain and pleasure through his entire being, making him scream and-

"What the hell are you doing?"

Hidan hadn't even heard the door open, and was startled when he heard Kakuzu's voice.

The immortal slowly opened his eyes, breathing still somewhat ragged. "What the fuck does it look like I'm doing, dumbass?" he growled.

Kakuzu smirked as he locked the door to their room. "It looks like you're fucking yourself. Isn't that my job though?"

"You just fucking took off," Hidan panted, continuing to move the knife within his body. "What the fuck was I supposed to do while-AHH!" the knife had brushed against his sweet spot once more, sending a fresh wave of pleasure through his small body.

"Wait for me to get back," Kakuzu replied, grabbing the knife and ripping it out of his partner, smirking at the cry of pain he received for the action. Some part of the blade must still be sharp, judging from the blood now trickling out from between Hidan's legs.

He tossed the knife aside, letting it hit the side of his desk before clattering to the ground. He'd already removed his mask and bent over, locking lips with his partner. Hidan returned the kiss immediately, pale arms reaching up to wrap around his partner's neck. "Mmmm…"

Kakuzu began kissing more forcefully, biting at Hidan's lower lip hard enough to draw blood. The Jashinist took the hint and opened his mouth, allowing the miser's tongue to duel against his own. His fingers tightened their grip as Kakuzu was allowed to take control. With their mouths occupied, Kakuzu wrapped his arms around Hidan and sat them up. The immortal broke away and cried out as he felt Kakuzu's nails dig into his back, leaving red marks. "Dammit, harder!" he ordered, longing for more pain to accompany his obvious pleasure.

"You could help a bit," Kakuzu stated. Growling several choice words, Hidan grabbed the hem of Kakuzu's shirt and tugged it off, fingers ghosting over the black threads that covered Kakuzu's body. He wrapped his arms around the miser's body, breath tickling Kakuzu's chest. "Now hurt me, dumbass," Hidan ordered.

Kakuzu obeyed, moving his threads over the scratched flesh and digging in hard enough to draw blood. They dug in harder, breaking through Hidan's muscle and into his insides, wrapping around each organ teasingly, forcing his breathing to become shallow as his heart sped up. "Shit, Kuzu," he moaned, eyes glazing over. "Fuck me already."

Using his threads to hold the Jashinist in place, Kakuzu raised three fingers to Hidan's face, only to have the masochist slap his hand away. "Screw that," he muttered, grinding his hips against his partner, earning moans from them both. "Jashin, I fucking need you **now**," he groaned, hands fumbling to undo Kakuzu's pants.

The miser finished undressing himself, tossing the clothing away to land by the knife. He grabbed Hidan's hips and pushed down roughly, forcing Hidan to impale himself on the banker's cock. "SHIT!"

The miser didn't hesitate and pulled Hidan up, slamming him down a gain a moment later, earning another cry. Soon the masochist was moving without his help, and the two developed a steady rhythm, moving with each other; Hidan slamming himself down again and again as Kakuzu thrust up.

Soon their movements became more erratic and desperate, each man trying to reach their climax. A final well-aimed thrust finally pushed Hidan over the edge as he exploded on their stomachs, screaming his partner's name. It didn't take long for Kakuzu to explode within Hidan after that.

The masochist tried to catch his breath as the threads slowly began to extract themselves from his body, a few moving to stitch up his latest injuries. He smirked as he fell backwards onto the bed, waiting for Kakuzu to pull out and lay down by him.

The miser finally took his place by Hidan, pulling the semi-bloody sheets over them. He'd need to wash those tomorrow. "So?" he asked.

"So what?" Hidan asked, frowning.

"Am I better than a kunai?"

Hidan smirked and snuggled against his partner. "Fuck yeah."


End file.
